


Spock and Ozymandias Walk Into a Bar....

by StellarLibraryLady



Series: Star Trek Incandescent Hearts [1]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: AU, Bars, Bickering, Chocolate Reference, Drinking, Friendship, Humor, Incandescent Hearts (Star Trek Series), Love/Hate, M/M, One Shot, Ozymandias - Freeform, Ramses II - Freeform, Spock Is a Genial Punching Bag, Star Trek Humor, The Sphinx - Freeform, hate/love, spones - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-07 20:06:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7728091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellarLibraryLady/pseuds/StellarLibraryLady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim Kirk and Bones McCoy are out for a night of serious drinking, and Spock is the designated driver.  The only trouble is, Spock is ALWAYS the designated driver.  When will it finally be Spock's turn to have some fun?  And how will he be having that fun?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spock and Ozymandias Walk Into a Bar....

**Author's Note:**

> Not the Ozymandias character from The Watchmen movie. This is the historic Ozymandias who was also known as Ramses II. The name was picked for the same reasons that McCoy used it. It sounds funny and ostentatious. Ozymandias believed that his name would be feared and revered for all time, but he is a bare footnote in history now. 
> 
> A One Shot AU story about friendship. But you don't have to sprint too hard for more intimate relationships to appear.

“Spock and Ozymandias walk into a bar….” Dr. McCoy started and looked around bright-eyed for encouragement from his audience.

Jim Kirk set down his drink, looked bemused first at McCoy and then at their Vulcan friend, and waited for the punch line. He was sure it would be at Spock’s expense. And as long as it didn’t get too biting, Kirk would allow it. He generally didn’t have to worry about McCoy, though. The good doctor was as protective of their favorite alien as Kirk himself was. Oftentimes, McCoy was even better at it than Kirk.

This cozy establishment was becoming their favorite bar here on Narsarya B. The background noise of the patrons was comforting and very homey. Few women could understand the need for this communal place for ‘just us guys’ that lured Kirk and McCoy. Part of the charm of the place was the lack of females. Except for the cute waitresses, that was. They always brought out the chance for casual flirting that the male patrons enjoyed.

Kirk and McCoy were also in a festive mood because their friend Spock had accompanied them. But that didn’t mean that he was exempt from being the butt of their jokes, especially from McCoy.

“Spock?” McCoy prodded. “Did you hear me?”

“Yes, I heard you. It is difficult to avoid sensory perception despite the level of the noise all around us.”

“So? Aren’t you interested?” McCoy prodded some more.

Spock simply looked down his long nose at his supposed friend and gave him a withering look. He sighed inwardly. Time for Spock Bashing. Now not even would his friend Kirk protect him. For some reason this part of the evening gave the Earthlings infinite pleasure. Not that they were prejudiced or mean. Kirk never tolerated anything prejudiced from any of the Enterprise crew for any of the aliens serving on the Starship. 

Spock supposed it had to do with his aloof demeanor or the fact that he didn’t drink alcohol with them. Now, if there had been chocolate on the table….

“Come on, Spock,” McCoy goaded. “Have you no curiosity about what comes next in the story?!”

Spock gave him a condescending look. “When there is something to be curious about, perhaps I shall be.”

“You’re a gem, Spock! Did you know that?” McCoy declared in exasperation.

“Which gem is that, Doctor? And is it precious or semi-precious?”

“Or you’re precious, all right,” McCoy grumbled. “Tell me, Spock, did you ever consider a career as a mortician?” He saw Kirk react with the proper guffaw of sputtered laughter. “You would’ve been a natural.” He narrowed his eyes as he warmed to his topic. “You’re so warm and personable. You would have been so soothing to family and friends in their time of need.”

“Thankfully you were not there on Vulcan to help me determine my selection of career choices when that time was appropriate,” Spock answered haughtily.

McCoy turned to Kirk with a shake of his head. “Come on, Jim, who invited this wet blanket along, anyway?”

Kirk’s eyes twinkled as he raised his glass to take a sip and gave McCoy a sideways flirty look. “You did, Bones, as I recall.”

“Well, maybe I did. Perhaps we should have left him in charge of the conn on the graveyard shift on the Enterprise. He’d probably relish that. Just him and all of his machine buddies. Together, alone. Just think how cozy it would’ve been for all of them. Besides, he’s no fun here, at all.”

“If you recall, Doctor, I was going to work in the lab this evening. Then, and I believe the expression is, ‘you happened.’”

McCoy grudgingly agreed.

“I was going to determine if that sample of new algae from Narsarya B would be affected by the addition of certain enzymes.”

“They’ll be there plenty of time tomorrow that you can spend meddling with their innards, Spock. Just not the generation you were going to mess up tonight with your scientific engineering. Besides, I’ve heard that a contingency of scientists from Earth will be coming here to work with life processes on this planet.”

“There are all kinds of areas to be explored, Doctor.”

McCoy patted Spock’s wrist with a soothing hand. “Just not tonight, okay? Take some time off. You don’t need to be impressing the boss all the time with your work ethic. Besides, he’s taking time off himself.” He saw Spock grimace. “Relax. You’ll have the chance to make scientific breakthroughs here, my friend. Really. I know you want to help in the advancement of knowledge, and that is commendable.”

Spock heard the genuine understanding in McCoy’s voice and looked at McCoy. McCoy nodded his head. So did Kirk.

“But you decided that I should come with you to ‘blow the stink off’ is the way I believe you so charmingly described it. Up until that moment I was unaware that my body was emitting any offensive odor.”

The moment was lost, and McCoy was frustrated again. He sat back and stiffened. “It wasn’t! It was just a term that means you should get out more. Mingle!”

Spock gave him a withering look.

“Well, perhaps ‘mingle’ is a misnomer in your case,” McCoy mumbled as he took a swig from his glass. “At least, relax a little with Jim and me, huh? Let us bring joy into your life.”

Spock didn’t even blink. “I need joy in my life, Doctor?”

Kirk did a mental eye roll. He glanced at Spock and hoped his face didn’t give him away. Spock wasn’t exactly known as a fun guy or the life of the party. He was present here in this bar on Narsarya B simply because the other two were there. They were a threesome, and that meant that they traveled everywhere together. Jim sighed. Everywhere.

There were times Kirk wanted only McCoy along as his wingman when they were on the prowl for females. Spock wasn’t exactly a great choice for wingman. If Kirk found a likely prospect, he knew he could depend on McCoy to entertain her inferior buddy. Kirk knew he could even ditch McCoy to his own devices with his charge, if need be. McCoy could always manage to find his way home. Eventually. Or somebody’s home. Generally female. Even inferior females had a lot to offer, Kirk understood. He’d never been any other guy’s wingman. He had no idea what that would be like to have to settle for the lesser attractive female of a pair. But, nonetheless, McCoy made a great wingman.

But Spock, Spock couldn’t be left like that. Oh, he’d find his way back to the Enterprise, alright. And he wouldn’t say anything to Kirk. But those black, beady eyes would bore into Kirk’s eyes in accusation. And Spock being behind him was worse. Even if Spock’s eyes weren’t on Kirk’s back, Kirk could FEEL them drilling into him. Spock would’ve made a great Jewish mother with his capacity for handing out guilt, but nobody could figure out how to explain the concept to him. It was just a natural talent for him.

If McCoy were in charge of the night of drinking, as he had been this evening, he generally tried to have Spock in tow. Spock was clearly out of his element in a bar, or any social situation, for that matter. McCoy hated to leave the Vulcan out of their activities, though. Spock was just as bad about not leaving McCoy behind, either. As snippy as they were to each other, they sure took care of each other. If one was ill or injured, the other hovered nearby and was a protective watchdog. They didn't give even Kirk that kind of treatment, just each other. They worked tirelessly until the other was restored to health and, presumably, back to fighting form so they could pester each other again. Apparently, their rivalry was only legitimate if both were at the top of their game. On the other hand, maybe they simply cared for each other in a deep and elemental fashion and didn't recognize it as love. Whatever the reason, Kirk found their relationship to be charming and endearing. He knew McCoy and Spock would both deny any such idea of mutual love, but, yet, there it was for all to see and recognize. Except for Spock and McCoy, of course.

“Yes, Spock, you need joy in your life,” Kirk heard McCoy saying, and Kirk picked up the thread of the conversation again. 

“Everyone needs joy in their lives, you green blooded hobgoblin,“ Dr. McCoy explained with barely contained patience and an extended hand. “That’s what makes it worthwhile to get up in the morning, to see the world with new eagerness, to think that everything will be okay, to greet the new day with a smile.”

Spock considered. “I see.” He looked thoughtful. “Then what part does alcohol play in all of this?” he asked innocently.

McCoy frowned, then looked at Kirk who was trying not to laugh. Once again, McCoy had been outfoxed by the astute, seemingly clueless alien. “Jim, do you sometimes feel as if we were just his play pretties?”

“I don’t know where you’d get an idea like that, Bones,” Kirk answered as he fought back the twinkling in his eyes. “I do know that I haven’t heard what happened to Spock when he walked into that bar with Ozymandias, though.” He poised his lips over the rim of his drink glass and saw Spock shoot him a look of unguarded hostility. Whoa, there, buddy! Jim thought. Watch those emotions you aren’t supposed to letting out of control. I know you were just trying to sidetrack McCoy, but I’m not letting you get away with it this time. He raised his own eyebrows in a look that was halfway challenging, halfway flirty at Spock. What are you gonna do about it, big guy, Kirk dared. Let’s see what you got, Spock.

McCoy brushed the question aside. “We’re not discussing alcohol. That’s beside the point, Spock. Do you know who Ozymandias was? Perhaps I should explain that to you first so you can understand the story.”

“Both who and what,” Spock answered.

“Eh?”

“The Nineteenth Century English Romantic poet Percy Bysshe Shelley wrote a famous poem about a statue found in the desert. A powerful king from antiquity expected people to be in awe of him forever. But his kingdom now was only sand, and his exploits and deeds were not remembered. No matter how mighty a person is, the poem states, that person will decay into oblivion and be forgotten. Nothing lasts forever.”

“That’s what I meant!”

“He was also a who.”

“Eh?”

Kirk’s eyes twinkled as he saw Spock casting his net.

“He was a real person. Ozymandias was a Greek name for the Egyptian pharaoh Ramses II. The statue was found just at the start of the Regency period in English history so the topic was very timely and probably inspired Shelley to write his famous work.”

“Really?” McCoy turned to Kirk. “Can you beat him? Being out with Spock is like dating a computer. Next time we’ll have to see if the motherboard for a local computer at the university is free for a big night of electrical impulses. Think of it, Spock. You might even get the opportunity for some exciting exchanges of cosmic charges. I understand that some of those data banks are pretty hot stuff at electronic parties. They know some really good jokes. Their circuits make all the right moves. They know which of your wires to touch." He winked broadly, then looked coy. "If you know what I mean. And if you don't, it's high time you were learning. They'll get all your batteries tuned up, for sure. It'd be a hot time in the old computer lab tonight. You’d really get a large charge out of them.”

Kirk laughed. He raised his glass in a toast. "To the king of the one-liner!" McCoy was at the top of his fighting form. But Kirk’s money was still on the Vulcan.

McCoy tried to receive the praise modestly. "Hear what I'm saying, Spock. Take a second look at your favorite computer on the Enterprise. She just might be waiting for you to make your move. You might find that her wiring is just to your liking."

“Hopefully better than your jokes, Doctor,” Spock said in a deadpan voice with acid dripping over every word.

McCoy sputtered, and Kirk had to wipe away happy tears.

“Oh, gentlemen! I was needing a night like this.”

“Speak for yourself,” McCoy grumbled. “Me, I could stand some female companionship about now.”

Kirk gave him a lazy grin. “I know this little spot. It’s off the beaten trail, but--” He saw McCoy’s eyes slide toward Spock and knew the alien wouldn’t be interested. Besides, McCoy would keep Spock from entering that sort of place, anyway. Ugh, Kirk thought. McCoy and his mother hen complex when it came to Spock. Kirk sat back. “But I understand the place was raided and had to close. The health department said it was unsafe.”

“Probably was,” McCoy agreed. Then he brightened. “Anyway, Spock and Ozymandias enter this bar--”

Kirk groaned. “Must we?!”

“We must!” McCoy declared in determination. “We’re going to get through this damned story tonight, or my name isn’t Leonard Horton--” McCoy frowned. “Harold?” He looked perplexed at Kirk. “Howard?!”

Kirk laughed.

“Well, whatever my damned name is. The Leonard part is right.” Doubt came over his face. “Isn’t it? Anyway. Spock, you’re driving. Kirk isn’t able.”

Kirk hooted with laughter and slapped the table top. Several patrons glanced at him. “Me?! I’m not the one who can’t remember his own damned name!”

“What is it, then?!” McCoy challenged.

Kirk looked smug. “James Timothy.”

It was McCoy’s turn to hoot in derision.

“Wait. That’s wrong. I knew it this morning.”

“You can remember this morning?”

“Distinctly. I cut myself shaving.”

“Well, that’s better than I’m doing,” McCoy grumbled. “I remember getting up.” He frowned. “I had to have gotten up, didn’t I? Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here.”

Kirk was frowning. “Ah, Thomas. James Thomas? No, that doesn’t sound right, either.”

Spock’s face was immovable, but his eyes were beginning to twinkle.

“Er, Tantalus? Oh, surely my mother wouldn’t have done that! Would she?” At that point, he practically fell off his bar stool, and McCoy almost joined him when he made a grab for Kirk.

Spock rolled his eyes. That’s why they’d brought him. Someone had to see them safely home.

McCoy pulled himself up. “Anyway, Spock and Ozymandias go into this bar….”

Kirk groaned. “Either I’m on an endless merry go round with that story, or those guys are. What is it? A revolving door? Hey, Bones, can you imagine a drunk trying to leave a bar using a revolving door?”

They fell over laughing with giggles like schoolgirls. Spock tried to ignore the stares from other bar patrons. He hoped they didn’t realize that he was with those two, but who else would claim them at this point?

“Anyway, Spock and this ancient Egyptian are still entering this bar,” Kirk prompted. “That’s got to be the longest entryway to any bar in the universe!”

“Captain Kirk! Sir! If you don’t mind! This is my damned story and I intend to tell it if it’s the last thing I do!”

“It might well be!” Kirk declared and slapped Spock’s arm. He was rewarded with a withering look from Spock that he missed because he was laughing.

“Spock and Ozymandias!” McCoy’s eyes were flashing, and threatening.

“Shh! Shh!” Kirk cautioned Spock as he leaned toward him and gripped the arm harder that he’d never released. “Dr. McCoy is telling a story.”

“They go into this bar!” McCoy boomed.

Kirk leaned closer to Spock. “This is where the plot thickens!” he informed Spock in a loud stage whisper.

Spock rolled his eyes toward the heavens, or at least upwards.

“Spock and Ozymandias are in this damned bar!”

Kirk reared back. “Carry on, Bones. Spock and I are all ears.” He sputtered with laughter and pointed with a flung out arm. “Especially Spock!”

Spock had to make a grab for Kirk so he wouldn’t pitch headlong onto the floor. Their own bartender was starting to watch them closely. 

Kirk made an effort to pay attention while Spock made an effort to hold him upright. “Okay, okay. Spock and his little Egyptian buddy. Got it. They’re in this bar. After a long, long, L-O-N-G entryway.” Kirk sputtered with suppressed laughter at his own joke.

But McCoy was not to be deterred. “The bartender walks up to them and says, ‘You guys can’t be in here. We can have only one ancient symbol of joyless living in here at a time, and the Sphinx is already sitting at the bar!’” McCoy burst into a big smile.

Kirk sobered. “That’s it?”

McCoy was grinning all over himself. “Yeah! Great, huh?!”

“After all that build up and that endless entryway? And that’s it?”

“Don’t you get it?!” McCoy insisted. “Ancient symbols of joyless living! Don’t you think it fits?”

“You think that’s funny?”

“I know! I know! I probably insulted Ozymandias and the Sphinx! And I apologize to them, sincerely. But I had to find two other killjoys who looked like they had suffered greatly like our man Spock here. They look like they haven’t smiled for thousands of years, either!” He slapped Spock’s other arm and gave it a squeeze as if to say it was all in good fun.

Spock sat quietly as the hands of his friends continued to bruise and pummel his arms. Then he sighed. What he did for these Earthlings!

Kirk found his humor back. “Well, since you put it that way-- Hey! How about this!” He punched Spock’s upper arm because he couldn’t reach McCoy’s. “Here‘s one I heard recently. Don‘t exactly know where now, but here goes. Spock and Ozymandias enter this bar and the bartender says, ‘You guys will have to leave. The Sphinx is here, and already three customers have sobered up and left. I can’t stand to lose any more. And if you guys stay, we’ve exceeded our limit of killjoys by two!’” 

Kirk and McCoy both laughed hysterically.

“That’s a great story, Jim! I like the way you tell it, too!” McCoy declared as he shook Spock’s pliable arm.

“No, no, you’re the best! That was a good story, Bones.” Kirk nodded warmly at McCoy. “Clever, even.”

McCoy tried to act humble. “Don’t go on so.”

“No. I mean it. You should be on the stage. Is there a stage here?” Kirk asked as he looked around. “We have a great comedian in our presence, and you need to be showcased.”

Please, do not let there be a stage here, Spock thought with a sigh. Please. We might even know some of these other patrons. We might have to deal with them over a conference table or face them in battle later. Let us at least look like grown adults.

“Aw,” Kirk said in sorrow. “No stage. I’m sorry, Bones. No stage.”

“That’s alright, Jim. I’ve forgotten the story, anyway. Probably stolen by Spock when I wasn’t looking for his repertoire . Ah, repose. Ah. His stuff. Yeah! That’s it. For his stuff!”

“I know, Bones! We can sing!”

No, you cannot, Spock thought. Angels sing. Birds sing. You two screech. You sound like a guitar caught in a closed piano, and the guitar is trying desperately to beat its way out.

McCoy’s eyes lit up as he slugged Spock’s flexed bicep. He did not notice Spock‘s grimace. “We’ll sing something Spock knows! And he can join in! I know! Row, row, row your boat!”

“You are mistaken, Dr. McCoy. I never did learn that song.”

“But we taught it to you at Yosemite!”

“It made no sense.”

“No sense! You’re dense!” McCoy mocked.

“I know what will clear that right up!” Kirk declared. “We need another round! Barkeep!”

Spock saw the glares from the bartender. “I believe that you will no longer be served in this establishment this evening, gentlemen.“

“Why, we’ll just take our business elsewhere!” Kirk declared belligerently. He struggled to rise, then collapsed awkwardly back onto his stool. “Later. We’ll leave later. Just let me rest a moment.”

Spock sighed. It was going to be a long night. And longer still before he saw the Enterprise again. And his own bed. First, he had to see these two safely into theirs. Getting them ready for bed would probably be as easy as putting pajamas on a snake. 

He lifted one eyebrow slightly. And then it would be his turn. When that rodeo started, it was hard telling what his hands might be touching. Or how roughly.

The evening held some promise, after all. As it always did on the evenings the two Earthlings went out drinking. They wouldn’t remember. Was what he would do with them bad if everyone was happy? Didn’t he deserve some pleasure? Shouldn’t they have bruises of their own?

His hands began to quiver in anticipation. He had waited so long for this. He’d always stopped himself before, but not tonight. He just had to remember not to hurt his own hands or give them too much sensation. The Earthlings could fend for themselves. They had no feelings for him. Not really. Otherwise, they would treat him differently. They would not make him the butt of their insensitive jokes. He was still only an alien to them. Just look at their present behavior. The only time you knew how a person truly felt about you was when that person was drinking. Yes. They deserved whatever humiliation he leveled at them.

He just wished he could be feeling more joy about his revenge. Maybe McCoy was right. Maybe Spock did need more joy in his life. It was getting to the point that he did not apparently even realize how joy felt anymore. For, despite his anticipation of the next few hours, there was almost a feeling of grimness about the situation. Instead of a pleasurable pastime, it almost felt like a debasing task that must be performed. How come a nagging hunch kept nudging at him that the eminent experience would be debasing not only to his victims, but to himself? Shouldn't this be the place where joy should be felt instead of this slightly dirty sensation on his hands?

And how would he feel tomorrow when these two men who trusted him implicitly complained not only of hangovers, but also of mysterious bruises and wounds on their bodies? How could he watch their haunted faces or listen to their memories of bewildering nightmares? How could he face them tomorrow, or ever again? How could he live with himself knowing that he had caused such agonizing fear and painful torture to his friends?

“In the meantime,” McCoy said brightly. “I’ll tell you a story. Spock and Ozymandias went into this bar--”

“Hey, Spock, be sure to listen to this!” Kirk urged. “It’s about you!” He pounded Spock on the arm to get his attention. It caught Spock unaware and he grimaced from the sharp, unexpected pain. He hadn't intended to show that much reaction, and he saw that McCoy had seen him flinch.

“Jim!” McCoy barked crossly. “Don’t do that! You’re hurting Spock! He’ll be a mass of bruises tomorrow.”

Kirk gently patted Spock’s arm and tried to focus on his face with a look that was more mushy than flirty. “Sorry about that, Sugar. You know I don’t mean anything by it, don’t you, Baby?” His eyes took on a tragic look. “You know how precious you are to me, don‘t you? Please say you do!”

Spock looked at the swashbuckling overachiever who always tried to hide the fearful, insecure little boy who lived inside him from an unfeeling world. Spock was one of the few who realized the depth of Kirk's insecurities. And Spock knew how to give Kirk encouragement and justification to face his challenges. “Yes, Captain. I know you will be sorry tomorrow if you injure me tonight.”

Kirk's face cleared with relief. "Good. Good. Can't have my baby hurting. My sweet, sweet little baby," he murmured. With a great deal of concentration, he reached over and gently patted Spock's cheek. "I'll try to be a good daddy to my baby."

Spock sat very still for Kirk. It was like watching someone wearing boxing gloves trying to pat a day-old kitten without injuring it.

Tears stood in Kirk's eyes. "I'm so sorry, Sweetie. So sorry. I'd never hurt my sweet baby. Never. I'll make it up to you. Later. My quarters. I promise. Maybe some three dimensional chess." His eyes got a flirty look. "I'm sure we'll be able to think of something to wile away the hours. Maybe I could sleep in your arms. That sounds so comfortable, and I'm so tired. Just so we're together. Okay?"

A smile tugged along Spock's lips. Kirk's idea sounded more interesting than anything Spock could have possibly imagined on his own. And he could pet his beloved captain whenever and wherever he wanted with his sensitive hands. "Yes, Jim. That would be okay with me, too." Spock felt something slip away from his shoulders. Maybe it was some of the anger that a Vulcan wasn't supposed to be harboring.

Kirk frowned as he took his hand away from Spock's face. "Tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow." He stifled a yawn. "I wouldn't want to take advantage of you tonight. You've had a long day, and the hour is late. You're probably tired."

"I am a little tired; yes, Captain. Thank you for thinking of me."

"Always thinking of my buddy Spock. You're the best. You and Bones."

At the mention of his name, McCoy rallied. "Whoa! Guess I drifted off there for a moment. There's a lot of that going around." He gave Kirk a hard look. "Just don't maul the Vulcan again! Okay?!"

"Never. Never hurt my baby." He glared at McCoy. "You, neither! Or you'll have Captain James T., whatever the hell my name is, Kirk, on your backside like a Romulan retriever! And those bastards are mean! They even tear limbs off their own masters! And you sure as hell wouldn't want one of them to be your lap dog, either. Not unless you're not particularly interested in keeping anything of yours intact that's located in the lap area. I'd hate to see what they could do to one puny Earthling doctor like you! You wouldn't even make them break a sweat!" He tried to pour his drink in his mouth, but it slopped down his chin. "Oops! I'm getting a little drunky! Spock! Take care of me, Sweetie!"

"You know I will, Captain."

"Good. Good. I think I'll see if this bar counter is as comfortable as it looks. 'cuse me, gentlemen," he said as he nestled his cheek against the bar and closed his eyes with a trusting smile. "I'm just going to rest for a little while here. You've got the conn."

“That’s okay, Captain. You rest," McCoy answered him. "I'll take care of our Spock.” He gently patted Spock’s other arm. “Don’t you worry, darlin’,” he said to Spock in his most charming Southern gentleman voice. “I won’t let the nasty man abuse my little darlin‘ anymore.” His eyes flicked lovingly over Spock’s rugged face. “You know that, don’t you, darlin’? You know that you're my little darlin', don't you? I won‘t let anybody or anything hurt you. Not ever. You're too precious to me.”

Spock studied the earnest face of the man who masked his loneliness, inner pain, and tender heart with sarcasm and bluster. He let very few see the real him. Spock was one of the few. And Spock knew how to give him the right degree of companionship and how to draw him out so he could be more open and approachable. “I know you would take very good care of me, Dr. McCoy.”

McCoy's smile deepened and became more personable. “I may sound gruff when I yell at you, but that’s all it is. Sounds. That's not what's in my heart, where it counts.“ He reached up and gently fluffed the edge of Spock‘s bangs straight again, then softly let his hand trail down Spock's face before finally leaving it. “I’ll always protect my little darlin’. I promise.”

“I know you will, Dr. McCoy,” Spock answered and felt the tension leaving his body completely.

"You know, I know how to show you a good time, too," McCoy hinted suggestively as his blue, blue eyes flicked over Spock's face again. "I'm always ready for a discussion with you." He winked. "Or whatever else you have in mind. How about a back rub? You know that I can relieve pain there, or I'll work on whatever else is tense. You just indicate the place, and my hands will be all over you. And I know you like my hands on you." He gave Spock a flirty look. "I'm willin', darlin'. Any time. However you like it." Then he frowned with worry. "You know that, don't you?"

Spock felt the hint of a smile crease his lips again. "Yes, Leonard. I know."

"Now, I mean it. Any time. Any place."

"My quarters? Instead of sickbay?" he asked hopefully. His quarters would be more private. It would be just the two of them in a dimmed room. Spock almost let himself get excited. He knew that his eyes had lit up with interest.

McCoy grinned at the Vulcan's eager face. "Your quarters would be fine." McCoy winked. "But I meant anywhere on your BODY, darlin'. And I do mean ANYwhere!"

"Oh, I see," Spock said with a smug smile. To have the doctor's healing hands willingly manipulating his appreciative body was better than anything Spock had ever considered. Spock believed he could live with that compensation easily. Very easily.

McCoy gently patted Spock's arm, then straightened. “Now back to my story. MR. Spock and Ozymandias walk into this bar….”

Spock sighed, almost in relief, although he could not account for that feeling of relief. He wondered if everyone occasionally might intensely hate someone close to them. Could that explain some of the erratic behavior of Earthlings? Or that seemingly confusing conflict of interests among themselves and within themselves? But he had no doubt now about the behavior, or feelings, of the two Earthlings closest to him.

Who could you trust to tell you the truth if it wasn’t a drunk man? 

His hands were just going to have to contend themselves with only helping the Earthlings and receiving what they were willing to give him freely. Again. And what he might receive was sounding pretty damned good, as McCoy would say. Because Spock realized he would never carry out his evil plan for revenge. He could never harm these two Earthlings in that manner, and thereby himself. Because they were the same as himself to him.

Correction, he thought as he straightened. HIS Earthlings. 

After all, they were his to protect. What other Vulcan could say that?

And what noble examples of the species they were, too!

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing dealing with Star Trek and/or Ozymandias (from The Watchmen) and/or The Watchmen movie, including story lines and/or characters.


End file.
